Most of the time I think my friends are absolutely amazing but there are other times when I want to punch like half of them in the face. Today would be one of those days.

I feel like everything I’m learning is so pointless, so “standardized.” All I want to do right now is go off to college and actually learn things that aren’t a waste of my time. The only classes right now that I feel like are teaching me anything valuable are AP Environmental Science and Advanced Composition, and even those are frustrating me at the moment. I just have no motivation right now whatsoever, and I can’t figure out why. 

And it’s not just the school work that’s bothering me. Everyone is changing. People I’ve been friends with forever are drifting away, not even caring that they are leaving me behind. Everyone has become so fake. I still have most of my close friends, but there has been obvious tension between some of them, and it just makes things awkward when we’re all together. People I don’t even talk to hate me for no reason, even when I’ve done nothing to them. It’s times like these that I wish I could graduate early or just be home-schooled or something. All I want to do is go off to college far away where no one knows me where I can just start over.

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Everyone is being so weird, and I don’t know why. I feel like I have so much I need to let out but there’s no one to listen and I don’t exactly know if I’m even comfortable with saying it all anyways. I don’t know if what I’m doing is right or wrong or okay… I just don’t even know. And if I did tell anyone, I feel like they wouldn’t even understand, because I still don’t exactly understand it myself. I guess it’s just better to hold everything in where the only person who can judge me is myself. It’s just easier that way.

i’m just really sad/angry and i need to get this all out so just do yourself a favor and don’t read this because it’s annoying and yeah. and if you do decide to read this, just know that i’m mad so i might cuss a bit, which i never do because i hate it, but right now it seems appropriate. okay that is all.

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i don’t go around purposely doing bad things or being rude or mean, yet people still decide to pick out every little flaw in the way i act. uh news flash: no one is perfect. especially all of you who think you’re so damn funny calling me names behind my back. you all are SO hypocritical and immature, it’s honestly sad. have you ever even stopped to think that maybe you’re hurting me? and that maybe calling me a slut/whore isn’t funny anymore, especially behind my back? i just don’t understand why you all even bother to make jokes about me, like why do you even care what i do? we were never even that good of friends so it makes no sense why i should even matter to you. 

ugh.

tonight was the worst night i’ve had in a while. i seriously cannot deal with cheer and all the drama anymore. this week i kinda pushed it aside but tonight was just bad. i had to leave and go to the bathroom in the middle of the game because i literally couldn’t take it anymore. i just don’t understand how some girls can be so rude and selfish. whatever happened to being the team who has no drama? yeah, that definitely failed. i honestly don’t know how i’m going to make it through the rest of the season if this is how every game is going to be. ugh. oh and the one person who i thought would help me get my mind off everything didn’t even seem like they wanted to talk… which made me even more upset.
so yeah, it was just all around a bad night. a few people who knew about the situation definitely helped to cheer me up though, and i’m so glad i have friends like them who really care about me.